Flying with a toddler

My wife’s family lives far away, mine lives local. Since our two year old was born we’ve flown five times and it’s getting to be a nightmare. I don’t know if any of you have travelled with a toddler but we could really use some tips and advice because between the whining and the

tantrums and the squirming on the plane I swear that I never want to leave my state again. I’m normally a very nice person. But not when we fly. Help!

Kids pick up on parents’ stress and react with big, loud emotions, so changing your overall attitude from anxious to relaxed is the most important way to prevent your child’s in-flight melt down.

Here are some other, more tactical suggestions for having a low-key flight:

• Before travel day, play plane with your child. Look at pictures of people in (cramped) planes and then pack a bag, walk onto a pretend airplane, sit close together, wear pretend seat belts, order a beverage, practice being close, reading books and playing with small toys.
• For the real trip, pack a carry on with extra diapers, extra clothes for your toddler and for yourself (in case she vomits or has a leaky diaper explosion), and a child’s medical kit.
• On the day of the flight, give your child plenty of exercise. Let him walk to the gate if possible, find the play area in the airport, or jump up and down near the gate. He’ll be calmer if he’s had a chance to use his gross motor skills.
• Bring new or rarely-played-with toys for novelty. You don’t have to buy toys (though a magnet doodle board is an airplane favorite) - a roll of tape and a tape measure will do; You can also wrap favorites before the trip so your child can burn time unwrapping, or make puppets from air sick bags, read books together, play peekaboo, play with cups, straws and ice, explore the music stations, or watch movies / play iPad games (if that’s something your family does).
• Pack plenty of snacks / finger food to keep little fingers busy and energy levels steady. Cooked pasta, small pieces of cheese and crackers / cereal work well.
• Offer your child fluids or a pacifier on the plane’s ascent and descent to ease ear pressure.
• Don’t worry if your child doesn’t sleep during the flight. Some children respond to white noise and over-stimulation and conk out. Others can’t relax and are awake through their typical nap time.
• Make friends with your in-flight neighbors by handing out ear plugs before take off. They’ll appreciate the gesture and will be less likely to roll their eyes if your little one starts to fuss. (But keep them away from your child - they’re a choking hazard.)

If your child turns unhappy and starts whining:

• Is he hungry, tired or uncomfortable? Can you change the scene (and distract him) by taking him for a walk up the aisle? Giving him a chance to stretch his legs will stave off big feelings that bubble up from feeling powerless.
• If she’s whining, try not to get frustrated, which can further exacerbate her anxiety. Instead, stay relaxed and compassionate: interpret her need, express empathy, and redirect her attention. For example: “It sounds like you want another straw. It’s fun to play with the straws! We’ll get one as soon as the seat-belt light is off. Do you see the seat-belt light?”
• Lean on distraction: “Let’s have a treasure hunt. Can you find where I put your baby bear?”
• Be playful and try to make a game out of every possible moment of stress.

If your child begins crying, screaming, kicking, pounding fists, etc.:

• Stay relaxed and shower him with compassion: he’s in a foreign, cramped environment - he has plenty to be upset about, and he probably can’t express it verbally, so a small thing may trigger a pent up response.
• Don’t expect to reason with your child when she’s upset because she won’t be able to process logic.
• If he’s open to it, or endangering others or himself, hold your child firmly - arms wrapped from behind can work well.
• As she cries, mirror her emotions with words: “You’re so mad! You’re so upset! You want to run right now!” Calmly articulating her emotions will help her digest them more quickly and return to herself again.
• Wait until your child begins to calm down and then stroke his hair, give him a special lovey, soothe him and find a distraction.

Most kids relish the interaction and special one-on-one attention that a flight allows. Do some pretend flying with your child beforehand, arrive early to set yourselves up for a relaxed flight, and be prepared to let your child surprise you.