What gear do I need for a new baby / my shower gift list?

My wife and I are expecting our first (and last?) baby this winter. A recent research trip to Babies 'R Us overwhelmed us with all of the products claiming to be "new baby essentials." Being first-time moms who don't want a home full of "stuff," we're wondering if you can tell us what infant items are truly necessary to find or put on our shower gift list. Also, which items need to be purchased new, and which can be thrifted/handed down?

Thanks,
Moms-to-Be

CLOTHING
1-2 kimono-style (wrap-type) onesies
2-3 wrap-type tops and 1-2 bottoms OR 2-3 wrap-type full body jumpsuits. Avoid clothes that have to be put on over baby’s head -- kimono style tops snap, zip or tie to close.
1-2 gowns / sleeping sacks - these are great for easy diaper changes
1 sweater / fleece  - depending on climate/season
Hats - for warmth and sun shade when baby is past the newborn stage
Socks
Mittens so baby does not scratch herself

You need fewer baby clothes than you think; The newborn stage is so fast and it’s OK to let infants wear the same clothes for a few days and nights....
If you’re having a shower, or if you have any friends with hand-me-down baby clothes, you will be given lots of clothes, so you don’t need to register for them or (most likely) buy them.

Detergent. Charlie’s Soap, Country Save or Rockin Green detergents are especially gentle on baby clothes and diapers, as well as baby’s skin.

FEEDING
Breast pump, flanges (aka funnels for collecting the milk), pumping bottles and a pumping bra But there’s no need to purchase a pumping bra; You can make your own by buying an inexpensive sports bra late in your pregnancy, lining up the flanges where they would go and drawing a circle around the smallest part, and then cutting a hole the size of that circle. For slightly fancier, DIY set-up,  you can follow these directions.
Even if you rarely pump, the pleasure of being able to read, check email, eat, hold the baby, etc. while pumping is worth the effort.

Drying rack or colander - For drying bottles and pump parts

Bottle brush - for washing bottles and nipples (nipples need a smaller brush, which is built into the bottom of some larger bottle brushes).

Bottles
Evenflo makes very inexpensive glass baby bottles if you’re trying to avoid plastic. It’s also worth noting that there are some eco-conscious companies, such as Think Baby, that make cups that convert from a bottle to a sippy cup; if your baby becomes attached to a specific type of bottle, this may make a transition to a cup easier later on. We recommend asking moms of older babies to lend you some of their bottles at the beginning. Sterilize them with boiling water and then try several different kinds until you figure out which one works best for your baby; different babies like different bottles.

At least one large, non-breakable water bottle with a straw. Nursing moms need to drink water all day long, and it’s helpful to have a straw when you’re drinking in bed in the middle of the night.

Nursing friendly meals – freeze nutritious meals before baby comes and when you have newborn visitors, request that they make simple food that you can store easily and eat with one hand (while you nurse and hold the baby with the other), such as a stack of peanut butter sandwiches, apple slices, oatmeal bars, etc.

HEALTH
Thermometer + A few first aid essentials – Learn how to use the thermometer, practice on an adult, and keep it in a place where you know where it is. When you have to use it with your baby, it may be in the middle of the night, your baby might be screaming, and you won’t want to fiddle with packaging and instructions. Other items to add to the medicine chest: Nose frida (nasal aspirator, which we prefer over bulbs), infant pain reliever (do not use Ibufroben with very young infants (consult your doctor); Acetaminophen is safe for infants but make sure you buy the infants formula), teething relief (the homeopathic remedies work well), gas relief (gripe water is useful, as well as homeopathic remedies).

Nail clippers and/or file - infants’ nails grow amazingly fast and they often scratch themselves, especially while sleeping. In the beginning, many parents trim their children’s nails by biting them (sometimes while nursing), but as the nails get tougher, a file or trimmer is convenient.

Cold Air Humidifier. A humidifier will be extremely helpful when your baby gets his/her first cold and needs steam to unclog her passages in order to breathe easily and sleep. (If you don’t want to purchase a humidifier, you can always bring baby into the bathroom and run a hot shower so the room gets steamy, but this isn’t as convenient as putting the humidifier next to baby’s bed.) As with the thermometer, take it out of the package and learn how to use it and wash it before baby comes. We’re intrigued by this Japanese humidifier but don’t have first-hand experience with it.

ON THE GO
Infant car seat - Borrow this from a friend if you’re 100% sure it’s never been in an accident (not even a fender-bender; any damage, even unseen internal damage, can compromise it’s safety) and you check that it isn’t expired and hasn’t been recalled. Otherwise, buy a new one. Install it a month before your due date.
Snap & Go stroller – This can be bought second hand. It’s a frame with wheels that the car seat snaps into.
Baby carrier/wrap – many parents like the Moby for newborns. For infants, choose a woven wrap, mei tai, or soft-structured carrier (the Ergo is the most well known one, but many parents prefer some lesser known carriers such as the Pikkolo, the Boba, the BabyHawk Oh Snap, or the Beco). We love Pax Baby, because you can rent carriers before committing. They will also answer questions and consult with you on your choice. Finally, some parents like to use the same carrier from the start (as opposed to beginning with a stretchy wrap like the Moby, and then switching), and if this is the case, it’s important to ask if the carrier you’re considering is safe for infants. If you have a brick and mortar store near you with an extensive selection of carriers, we highly recommend trying them on. Carriers are fine to buy second-hand if they don’t have any significant rips.

A diaper bag. A backpack is practical, especially if you plan to wear your baby when you’re out. (It can be awkward to wear a baby carrier as well as a shoulder bag.) We recommend packing a portable changing pad so you can lay your baby on it for diaper changes (this could simply be a towel). Formal “diaper bags” (these can be shoulder bags or backpacks) generally have three unique features: Many pockets, a changing pad, and an insulated pocket for bottles.

PLAYING
An activity gym - or a blanket with a mobile above it. Newborns respond to high contrast, black and white geometrical images and older infants love bold, primary colors. It’s easy to make a mobile by cutting shapes from paper or felt and stringing them from a hanger.

A few board books that you enjoy (because you’ll be reading them over and over and over...). Young babies like bold colors, textures and flaps. You’re bound to receive books as gifts.

SLEEPING
Sleeping spot -  We recommend that baby sleeps on or beside you for nighttime. During the day, a bassinet can come in handy so that you can put your baby down for naps. This is a great item to borrow or buy second hand. As your baby grows, you may want to consider the Arm’s Reach co-sleeper, or move your bed to the floor and use bumpers to keep your child from rolling off.
A baby monitor – a basic, inexpensive monitor means that you can leave the room after baby has fallen asleep.
1-2 Miracle Blanket-type swaddle blankets

DIAPERING
Cloth diapers - If you have easy access to a washing machine, you can wash your diapers yourself. If not (and even if you do) you may want to sign up for a diaper service for the first few months when there may be up to ten poopy diapers per day (some babies have much less, so don’t panic if that’s the case). The service will clean your diapers for you and they’ll provide you with different sizes of diapers as your baby grows. (Most companies will provide “pre-fold” diapers, which are simple cotton rectangular liners, and you’ll need to buy your own diaper covers, which contain the pre-folds. Diaper covers can be purchased used in re-sale shops or online.) If you’re planning to purchase (and wash) your own diapers, without a service, you can purchase “one-size” diapers that will last from the infant through the toddler stage. Diapers come in all shapes and sizes - some are pre-fitted, with Velcro and snaps, and some are designed to have inserts stuffed inside them;  we recommend buying a handful of second hand diapers so that you can try a few types to see what works for you. Carey, who owns the Green Diaper Store, is extremely helpful if you want to purchase new diapers and need some guidance.

Changing area and/or buckets and potties. You can change your baby on any firm but padded surface, such as a blanket on the floor, the sofa, or the bed. But having a dedicated surface that is approximately counter height will save your back. (The top of a bureau, padded with a thick blanket and a non-stick mat will do.) If you practice elimination communication (EC), you’ll want a couple potties or wide receptacles for catching pees and poos. Formal changing tables, or changing tables/dressers may be bought used and resold, or exchanged among friends.

MISC GEAR
Rubber and/or BPA-free pacifiers if you plan to use them - sucking is extremely comforting for all infants, and some kids love it more than others. Even if you don’t plan to use on a pacifier at home, it can be a lifesaver in the car when you’re driving on the highway and your child is screaming from the car seat. We particularly like this one.

Teethers - you won’t need them right away but you can add a couple to your gift list if you have one. Sophie the Giraffe is an all-time favorite.
Nursing bra - if you plan (and are able) to nurse your baby, you’ll want a couple nursing bras. You can buy inexpensive ones at Target - they’re functional, unattractive, and you get what you pay for in terms of quality. Some higher quality, sexier brands are mentioned in this New York Times article.
The trickiest part of buying a nursing bra is figuring out your size, which can change dramatically over the first few months. We suggest buying later in pregnancy, using your best guess, and keeping the receipt.

OPTIONAL / BUY LATER OR GIFT ITEMS
Following are some items that aren’t critical for all but may be priorities for you; for some of these, you may have to wait to see what kind of baby you get and what your parenting style is, and for some of these you can wait until after the three-month-mark, when the household of a newborn calms down considerably.
Post-Partum Doula fund - If potential gift givers are looking to have a big impact on your 'baby moon' period, suggest that they contribute to a doula fund. Post-partum support is invaluable, especially when it comes from someone who is often trained in lactation, nutrition, women's and baby's health, and who can help around the house and cook, depending on her services.
Memberships - Memberships to children's museums or indoor playgrounds are another good item for gift givers.
Noise machine or music player - many babies are soothed by listening to white noise. There is conflicting information about the safety of listening to white noise over the long term -- much of it depends on the volume. It can help if your baby goes through a particularly fussy period. You may also have a CD of lullabies or a favorite classical music mix that you want to use as part of the bedtime ritual. There are clocks and iPod docks that have a variety of white noises on them, and you can also download them to your music player. (In a pinch, a dryer, vacuum or shower can substitute for a white noise player.)
A nursing pillow + cover - This can be borrowed. The top brands are “Boppy” and “My Breast Friend.” We recommend the former because My Breast Friend has Velcro, which can wake up baby when you try to detach the pillow. However, a few friends swear by it and say it’s the only thing that gets them into a comfortable position. You may find regular pillows work just as well as a nursing pillow.
A nursing chair - A rocking chair or glider can be helpful, depending on your nursing style and body type. It’s helpful to have arms as well as a footrest (or a foot stool). Many resale shops have second hand gliders and we also recommend buying a nursing stool used if possible, or exchanging among friends.
Journal/scrapbook - You may want to record your baby’s first milestones with words and pictures, or simply write him some love poems to embarrass him when he’s older.  
Stroller - Depending on your baby, your environment, and your lifestyle, you may want to get a more robust stroller than the car seat/Snap and Go combo. If you’re going to shell out big bucks for a stroller (some of the fancy, popular strollers include the Uppababy Vista, Bumbleride, Bugaboos, Bob, Stokke, and the less expensive and very popular Baby Jogger City ) and it comes with a bassinet attachment, consider getting it before the baby is born. Although it’s not necessary, it can be lovely to stroll your sleeping baby in a bassinet, and it can serve as your indoor bassinet if you lock the stroller wheels. Not all luxury strollers have removable bassinet options. Some, like the BOB, are beloved because they’re light, easy to push, and you can run with them. You can wait to get a stroller until after your baby is born; If your baby dozes in a carrier and in the car seat, you may not need a stroller for quite a while. If you have a colicky baby who will only sleep in a bassinet, a luxury stroller/bassinet may be worth every penny, so do your research now so you can buy one quickly if you need to.
Bathtub - depending on the size of your sink and bathtub, and your own preference for bathing with your baby vs. leaning over the tub, it’s probably not necessary to buy a bathtub. If you plan to bathe with your baby but are concerned that she feels too slippery, you can wrap her in a towel and then bring her in with you. When you get to the toddler stage, a smaller tub that fits inside a larger tub saves water. As an alternative to an official toddler tub, you could buy a dogwashing tub or other large bin at a hardware store.
Blankets - try to find blankets made from natural fibers - they’ll last longer. For warm weather, we recommend the blankets by Aidan + Anais, which are muslin - gauzy and lightweight and perfect for swaddling. For cooler weather, you may want a couple blankets for daytime naps (when baby isn’t benefiting from your body heat) and stroller/car seat rides. If you’re having a baby shower, buy blankets afterwards because you’ll probably get more blankets than you would need if you were having septuplets. (Later you can cut up all the flannel blankets and use them as reusable diaper inserts or wipes).
Sheepskin - Studies have shown that premature babies gain weight faster when they sleep on sheepskin. And term babies love to sleep on them too. Snugglewool makes sheep’s wool pads without chemicals or animal cruelty, and they have a short pile, which is safer than longer fibers. As with any blanket, it’s important to keep them away from baby’s face and always place baby to sleep on his/her back. When your baby starts rolling, she may turn into a tummy sleeper, in which case you may want to re-evaluate the safety of using the sheepskin.
Hiking backpack / external frame carrier - It’s not essential and you won’t need it until after your baby is a year or more, but can be a nice, big ticket gift item if you plan to do any hiking with your toddler. There are usually plenty of hiking packs available second hand.
Soaps + creams - these are generally not necessary and just add harsh, drying chemicals to baby’s skin. It’s good to have some diaper rash cream on hand, though if you practice some part time EC and keep your baby diaper free as much a possible, you won’t need it.
Babyprofing supplies - You won’t need these until your baby is at least three-months-old (probably closer to six-months or later) but your baby will be mobile before you know it, and it’s good to be prepared. Depending on your situation, you may need: outlet covers, baby gates, door latches, toilet latch, non-slip tub mat, padding for sharp table edges, and/or stove knob guards.

Set-up your house and try to get the basics done so you can relax at the end of your pregnancy and enjoy things like spending time with friends and family, with other babies and children, reading books, going to the movies, decorating and, when your nesting instinct kicks in, sorting hand me down clothes and toys into storage boxes.